So, as most of you all know by now, I became natural on accident. But it was the best accident of my life. Of course, with becoming natural is the discovery of new products, healthier hair growth, and a bunch of questions. And while some of those questions are good questions, there are a few that come off rude and disrespectful based on delivery. If you are not natural or don't have kinky-curly hair, I am going to give you a series of questions NOT to ask. They're annoying and border line offensive. We have a hard enough time maintaining moisture and length. We don't need the additional and sometimes unintentionally offensive questions to go along with it.
1. Can I touch it? Can I run my fingers that has just graced its presence with public door knobs, counter tops, and cups and bags that were handed to me from people who probably walked out of the bathroom without washing their hands through your hair? I didn't think so. You have germs, dirt, and bacteria on your hands that you have no idea about. It's nearly impossible to avoid them. Because you know, we live among humans who aren't all familiar with soap and water. With that being said, our hair is tightly coiled. This makes it extremely easy to collect dirt and bacteria and a pain in the butt to get it out. My wash day process takes 4 hours when I do it all in one swoop. (Don't let me do a twist out as my style. That will make it a 24 hour process.) I really don't want to spend additional time washing it because you wanted to feel my hair texture. I especially don't want to do it if I had just did it the day before. On top of that, you're invading my personal space! I'm 4'11. So no. I get you're curious and all. But you're going to have to admire my hair with your eyes, not your hands.
2. You don't have good hair. Why don't you just perm it? Ok, so this question is the question I get A LOT from our fellow black men. So, I will direct this answer to you. First things first. Do you know what your personal hair texture is? If you decided to grow it out, and I truly challenge you to do so, just so you can see it. You will notice that your hair texture is 9 times out of 10 4b/4c. So, while you're asking why don't I have "good hair" (I'll explain the quotations in a second) it's a great chance that you don't either. You keep it low and neat. We totally appreciate it. But seeing as we're cut from the same cloth, I IMPLORE you to not get caught up in the Western-Euro standards of Beautiful Hair. Speaking of which... can someone tell me the definition of "Good Hair.?" I've spoken to many of women who have the hair that is deemed "Good" and let them tell it... They hate it. It is just as difficult to manage as it is 4c hair. They too, have the same struggles we have. It gets thick, tangled, matted, dry, coarse, and unmanageable. They have the same love-hate relationship as any other natural chick who's hair has a tighter curly pattern. So while it may look "exotic" at times, they have the same struggles. We have been brainwashed to think that longer and looser curly hair is the beauty standard. This is most definitely not the case. We are created differently. For that reason, we are all beautiful in our own right. So please, stop telling us that our hair is "nappy" and needs to be straightened. We love you men no matter what. Can we have the same type of treatment please and thank you!
3. This looks like your real hair! Ok, I know this is a statement and not a question. It is also an awkward statement. So let me explain it really quick. The bigger our hair gets, the more you cannot see a part in our hair. Thus, giving the appearance of it being fake. Ok. That is a fair assessment. However, because so many of us women of color are going natural these days, I can guarantee you that it is more than likely our real hair before it isn't. I'll touch on weave next.... But we have got to stop assuming that just because this hair looks flawless that it isn't growing from our scalp. Our hair is absolutely gorgeous and we are very proud of it! But to assume that we cannot naturally produce something so elegant is such a major slap in the face and insulting. I've gotten this statement from all types of women. We don't like it guys. Stop it.
4. Why are you wearing weave if you're natural? Oh.... the great weave debate! Grab a glass of wine for this one honey.... Because I most definitely feel a rant coming on. First off, let me start by saying that one of the biggest things us natural girls love to do is protect our hair. The less we do to it, the less it falls out. So, I am the queen of a random protective style. I have worn box braids, sew-ins, wigs, and crochet braids. These styles are worn to prevent unnecessary breakage as well as promote growth. So to assume that just because I do not wish to use a No-Lye Relaxer on my hair that I shouldn't wear extensions is a terrible move on your part. Second, I'll address this question's cousin which is "why do black women wear weave?" The same reason all women wear weave Weave is a universal product that is used by every single woman regardless of race. If you take a look at hollywood, some of your favorite celebrities wear weave. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Jessica Simpson all wore hair extensions in the late 90's - early 2000's. Beyonce, lace front wigs all day long honey! And don't get me started on Trump's toupee. I know Trump's not a woman, but I'm making a point here. I don't know how, why, or when wearing weave became a negative staple for African American Women, but we've got to chill on it. There is nothing wrong with adding hair to your head. I don't care what you look like or where you are from. It is perfectly fine to add additional hair to your head for whatever reason you feel like doing it. Please stop belittling individuals for making a decision to do something with their body that truly does not affect you. Unless it is going to kill you, you need not comment on it.
5. So are you Afro-Centric? I place this here because I am so guilty of asking this question. Prior to going natural, this was my assumption. Why? Because I had come across like 5 women who were natural and hardcore embraced their heritage. Honestly, it was intimidating for me. But I realized, now as a natural girl, that the heritage that they embraced is mine as well. While I am not mother earthing it out here, being natural has caused me to love me. From my natural tan to my unpredictable curl pattern, I am unapologetically me. There is nothing wrong with embracing who I am and where I am from. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that at least 3/4 of my ancestors are from some country in Africa. I can't tell you exactly which one. But that's where they came from. I will not ignore that. I can't ignore it. I see it every time I look in a mirror, down at my hands, pick out a foundation, or do my hair. I live in a country where I am told to forget my history. Because my history is a bruise for this country that needs to heal. But, if I am reminded every single day of my life with all of the above questions, how can I forget? I'm not seeking acceptance from anyone. I'm accepting myself. I am embracing who I am as a woman, an African American. I am saying proudly that I love me from the curl of my hair to the caramel complexion on my feet. Will I shove it down everyone's throats? No. You see it every time I post a picture. You see this feisty, sarcastic, and witty Black Woman on so many different social media avenues. So I don't feel the need to remind anyone that I am who I am. I do not feel guilty for asking this question. Asking it led to my own self-discovery. I have grown so much over my 30 years of life. There is nothing wrong with embracing who you are. I encourage you all regardless of race, gender and sexuality to embrace and love you. I spoke on getting in Formation recently after Beyonce's latest single drop and half-time performance. She's getting a lot of flack for it. But for me and so many others, getting in formation is simply loving who you are and no longer being ashamed of it. This post merely speaks to the surface of what African American women go through. Truth be told, we are the most degraded of all women out here. We're not supposed to like ourselves at all. This is what that song is about. That's what being Afro-Centric is about. That is what being natural is about. It is about going against the norm of what is considered beautiful and truly embracing the way God made you. We were all created differently for a reason. We must continue to love ourselves and each other.
Ok so I got a little deep at the end. It happens. It is the actress in me LBS. I want to encourage everyone who reads this post to take something from it. Somehow, some way, everyone can relate this. I heard a presentation late last year about the stereotypes against Gingers. I was unaware of it. But it was extremely informative and I could totally relate to it. Because, I too am stereotyped. We all form judgments about each other so what we don't get makes sense. Instead of doing that, because it's annoying and RUDE, embrace the mystery. Ask polite questions. "I truly want to learn more about your hair. May I ask you a few questions" is a great way to start a conversation. This has happened to me and my defensive wall was immediately taken down. I was very willing to answer questions about shrinkage and low porosity (yes the conversation got that deep.) The individual was very interested and eager to learn something new. It was super appreciated. We don't mind if you want to learn. Seriously we don't. I know sometimes in public I have RBF Syndrome. But don't take that as if I don't want to be approached. It's the very reason I respond to everyone on here. Until next time loves!
Aly
